Self-doubt.

Self-doubt is something that every human being on the planet feels at some point in their lifetime. I truly believe you can’t go through life without feeling doubtful of your own self at some point. Whether that’s truly being yourself, not trusting decisions that you’ve made or comparing yourself to other people. If there were awards for self-doubt I would get a gold certificate every time. In some ways I think self- doubt can be useful as it means you More often than not, if you’re doubting a decision it may be it’s not the best one to go with and there may be a better alternative.

There are two separate occasions when my self-doubt has really stood out. 

To begin with, I started writing a book around September-October time of last year. I finished writing the book in November and was very determined to get my book published straight away. Now I realise that things in life don’t happen that quickly, most things are a process. I sent it to a few agencies and some were even kind enough to give me some feedback. I was declined every time and I thought is this really worth it? At this time, I experienced very strong self-doubt about my book and whether it had any potential. As a result, I left my manuscript for a couple of months and only recently returned to and started editing it properly with a view to trying to get it published again. Now I believe that one day my book will be published, whether I publish it myself or someone does it for me. It will be out there, one day in the world, and my story will be shared. 

Following on from the self- doubt around my book my home school teacher gave me the inspiration to create my own website where I could write blogs. It was the most fantastic idea ever. For around two months I designed it and wrote articles to post. It was a very creative time for me and the ideas for articles flowed easily.  As the time grew closer to launch my website, negative ideas kept popping in to my head filling me with self-doubt and making me second guess and question all my hard work. To the point I wasn’t even sure I should launch the website. I eventually did decide to launch it and I’ve never been more pleased that I did so.

At the beginning I constantly checked how many views particular posts received in any one day or how many visitors had visited the site. It became quite obsessive and if one day I didn’t get as many views as another day I would instantly doubt the work that I had produced. I would think I should just delete the website all together and think my work was not good enough blah blah blah. 

Now, even if just one person sees my blog and I’ve impacted them in a positive way then I’ve done my job.  Seeing all the happy messages people have sent me really does make my day and makes me want to produce even more work. I write for the public but most importantly I write for myself because it brings me joy.

If you ever experience self-doubt and negative thoughts enter your head (thoughts and ideas that may not even have happened yet) try to separate the things that have happened and the things that haven’t happened. Imagination is useful but it can be quite wild and it’s much better if you control the thoughts rather than they control you.

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